I have to admit that I was not too thrilled about writing this blog, but between my wife's blog, and the funeral yesterday, I felt like this was an important blog to write. People might wonder why. When a missionary talks about their culture shock experience it is like rubbing a newly healed wound ~ though you are not bleeding, you still remember the pain. I am writing this in hopes that it might be a help to someone that will pass this road after me, or for those that hear of this phenomena, so that they will be able to pray from missionaries more intelligently.
A missionary that I respect told me that culture shock is just like dealing with a death in the family. The difference is that it is not just one person, it is as if every person that you have ever known has died. It is that real. You mourn, you grieve, you feel loss, not just for a person, but for a way of life.
I know that this is hard to understand for a person that has not passed through this valley of the shadow of death, but for the missionary, he/she has tasted it, and it can never be forgetten.
A missionary that I respect told me that culture shock is just like dealing with a death in the family. The difference is that it is not just one person, it is as if every person that you have ever known has died. It is that real. You mourn, you grieve, you feel loss, not just for a person, but for a way of life.
I know that this is hard to understand for a person that has not passed through this valley of the shadow of death, but for the missionary, he/she has tasted it, and it can never be forgetten.
Try to imagine this scenario: You are a young person. It is Monday, August 6 of the year 1945, and you have gone for a walk on the outside of town. While you are walking, you hear a bomber plane overhead, but you do not fear because no one attacks your city. It has been untouched for most of the war. You feel safe in Hiroshima. Then you see it, the blinding flash. You feel the shock wave, and then in a second, everything you knew is gone! All your family, your friends, everything normal. In that fews seconds, you have lost everything and all that you feel is the pain of the burns. You hurt all over. You try to run back and pick-up pieces, but there is nothing left. As the weeks pass, you try to deal with the grief, but you do not even a have place to go to feel close to the ones that you have lost. Your home, your neighborhood, your way of life, it is all gone! You are in shock, and all you can do is grieve and ask, "Will I ever truly live again?"
This might seem like the words of an overactive imagination, but this is what culture shock is: grief of death, the death of your way of life! I studied some about grief, and here is what Wikipedia says: Elisabeth Kübler-Ross has posited sequential stages of grief including denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance, which are commonly referred to as the "grief cycle". This is exactly what a missionary goes through when he/she goes through the death of his/her culture. Not everyone handles death well. In high school, I remember when my best friend Larry's dad died. He never got over it. I am not sure he ever really dealt with it. Putting it in this light, you understand why so many missionries quit after the first term (the average is 3 out of 4). You pass through all these stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and if you look to God in it- acceptance.
This might seem like the words of an overactive imagination, but this is what culture shock is: grief of death, the death of your way of life! I studied some about grief, and here is what Wikipedia says: Elisabeth Kübler-Ross has posited sequential stages of grief including denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance, which are commonly referred to as the "grief cycle". This is exactly what a missionary goes through when he/she goes through the death of his/her culture. Not everyone handles death well. In high school, I remember when my best friend Larry's dad died. He never got over it. I am not sure he ever really dealt with it. Putting it in this light, you understand why so many missionries quit after the first term (the average is 3 out of 4). You pass through all these stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and if you look to God in it- acceptance.
Here is another quote about grief. Two scientists describe it this way:
Bowlby and Parkes both note psychophysiologic components of grief... Included in these processes are feelings of unreality, depersonalization, withdrawal, and an anesthetizing of affect. The person feels unable to come to terms with what just occurred. "Whenever one's identity and social order face the possibility of destruction, there is a natural tendency to feel angry, frustrated, helpless, and/or hurt. The volatile reactions of terror, hatred, resentment, and jealousy are often experienced as emotional manifestations of these feelings."
All these quotes are given about grief, but any missionary can tell you this is just what you pass through! I have found out that women and men face this problem very differently. I know for me it was mostly an internal conflict. When you first face culture shock ~ "cultural grieving" ~ you deny there is a problem. I remember that I was numb. You walk around in this fog (the difference here is that you are excited about the change, I doubt anyone dealing with death has felt excitment). You are just going through the routine. I would say that I was a robot for the first two months. I did not really face any home-sickeness. It was quite the opposite. I was a ball of activity. I just wanted to do, do, do... I was just like the boys that I wrote about yesterday. As a new missionary, you just want to get busy. You think that activity will take the fog away. If you can just get into a routine, then everything will return to normal. Then a few months pass...
Bowlby and Parkes both note psychophysiologic components of grief... Included in these processes are feelings of unreality, depersonalization, withdrawal, and an anesthetizing of affect. The person feels unable to come to terms with what just occurred. "Whenever one's identity and social order face the possibility of destruction, there is a natural tendency to feel angry, frustrated, helpless, and/or hurt. The volatile reactions of terror, hatred, resentment, and jealousy are often experienced as emotional manifestations of these feelings."
All these quotes are given about grief, but any missionary can tell you this is just what you pass through! I have found out that women and men face this problem very differently. I know for me it was mostly an internal conflict. When you first face culture shock ~ "cultural grieving" ~ you deny there is a problem. I remember that I was numb. You walk around in this fog (the difference here is that you are excited about the change, I doubt anyone dealing with death has felt excitment). You are just going through the routine. I would say that I was a robot for the first two months. I did not really face any home-sickeness. It was quite the opposite. I was a ball of activity. I just wanted to do, do, do... I was just like the boys that I wrote about yesterday. As a new missionary, you just want to get busy. You think that activity will take the fog away. If you can just get into a routine, then everything will return to normal. Then a few months pass...
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