After brokeness, some move into a time of depression. Patty passed through this valley, and its shadows seemed to stretch much longer than in mine. But, I did have it. I was at time defeated, depressed. How could I be a missionary? I was such a sinner. I had so many faults. How could I ever be used to do anything?
But through it all God was there! His great hand was protecting, guiding, working.
He is trying to make a dependant tool. He is trying to bring you to a place of acceptance. You must accept what you really are ~ a sinner saved by GRACE ~ and accept Him as He is ~ your only hope for SALVATION and LIFE! After four full years on the field, I can say that God is so merciful! We need Him for everything. Every time I fail it is because I have lost sight that He must be the one to do it! When we see this and start to believe it, we move into the next part: acceptance! This is the greatest hurdle, but when passed, brings the greatest reward.
When a missionary sees himself, He must run to Christ! As Paul said, "I thank God through Jesus Christ our Lord. So then with the mind I myself serve the law of God; but with the flesh the law of sin." Christ allows us to go through all this, so that we see the wonder of His grace and mercy! He knows our frame, He knows we are dust, and still He calls us! He will not put on us more than we can bare!
Throughout these valleys, these verses were true and will always be true: Psalms 23:1-6 The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever.
The amazing thing is that this is just how I feel ~ God has been so good to me! His mercy is so real! God gives the greatest gift to a missionary. He puts you in the school of grief! Though it sounds funny, this can be one of the greatest lessons you ever learn if you look to God and listen through it!
I want to end with these thoughts. First, I thank God for everything that I have passed through in my life so far, and I would not change anything that He has done. Secondly, for a future missionary, culture shock is real. It is like grieving, but God will be with you! Remember that the view at the end of the valley is always worth the trip through it! Thirdly, for all of those that read this that are not missionaries, I hope that this helps you know how to pray. Continue to pray for old missionaries. They have passed through it, but pray that they stay close to Christ and that the flesh that they have come to know so well stays crucified! Also pray for the new missionaries, that this process, that is given to them from God, will draw them to God and make them stronger!
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