Understanding Interpersonal Relationships in Africa, Part 1 of 3

There is a dimension of interpersonal relationships the missionary must understand when coming to the field. When the missionary comes to the field he is first filled with euphoria. Everything is perfect. He has finally reached his people. He is convinced that the people of his country are sinners, but somehow they are endowed with a special openness and hunger for truth- more than the people of his home country. This is not a bad feeling and is even helpful at times for him, especially when first leaving his country and facing the shock of living in a whole new world. But the problem for the missionary in Africa is accentuated by common daily occurrences that seem to add weight to his slanted thinking.


The new missionary is amazed by the friendliness of the people. Every where he goes people greet him, children point at him. People rush to meet him at times, asking his name, seeking for personal information, and even requesting to start friendships. The missionary is thrilled. His people love him! How open they are to the things of God. When many people find out that he is a missionary/pastor they request to know the church’s name and location, assuring him they will attend in the future. During his first time of visitation he is amazed how people request for tracts, cross streets to see what is being handed out. He is amazed at the request for Bibles, and the willingness of people to allow him to take their time and listen to him stumble through the national or local language. Overall, the new missionary is overwhelmed with his new home. It is a paradise filled with the radiant light of spiritual zeal.

If the new missionary joins a veteran missionary, this feeling can even be enhanced. If the missionary has a school, hospital, or social help program, he sees the people daily flooding in. He sees the people that line up and wait for hours for help. This condition may be further heightened if the veteran missionary always seems to have followers around. It is common in some mission compounds, churches, and homes of missionary to always see people around. They seem to wait on the leaders, following in their wake to help with the smallest need. The veteran missionary is beset by questions for advice from every corner, from the slightest difficulties, to seemingly insurmountable troubles.

After seeing all of this, the new missionary is now convinced that he has indeed arrived in a patch of heaven, where the grass is truly greener on the other side of the fence…

Then he is hit by the first wave of culture shock. One of his new acquaintances, or maybe someone that he does not know at all, comes to the house. The person comes early in the morning or late at night when the new missionary is not expecting a social call. He goes through the social norms, greets, and offers some refreshment. Then the wave comes the person is seeking for some help and proceeds to tell the missionary of his need. Maybe it is a hospital bill that needs to be paid for a sick family member, or a refugee that has been living in the U.N. refugee camps that needs just a little money to get by, or a person seeking to start a new business and needs the capital to start it. The young missionary is shocked. Why him? Why now? The inner-conflict begins as he remembers all the poverty around him, and he fights with his emotions, as his mind tries to swim through these new cloudly cultural waters. He might give the money. He might not. He might give some. But now the missionary has entered a new world, the world of African friendships, and if he hopes to serve God and build something spiritual, he needs to learn about it quickly.


One might ask why the missionary’s friendships have anything to do with ministry in Africa. The question is very legitimate and important to answer. The missionary has come to do the work of God, seeking souls and wanting to change lives. To him, the spiritual, social, and financial relationships are three distinct groups. Yes, he knows that to be a good missionary and mentor he needs to befriend his people, but to the Western mind the spiritual and social have little to do with the business world. The point is basically this: the Western view of friendship is very different from that of the African.


The Western definition of friendship is very concrete. Its meaning has congealed in a mortar of morals and ethics established long ago. To his mind it cannot and should not be altered. Here is a definition to help…

Webster’s Definition (1828 Dictionary)
An attachment to a person, proceeding from intimate acquaintance, and a reciprocation of kind offices, or from a favorable opinion of the amiable and respectable qualities of his mind. Friendship differs from benevolence, which is good will to mankind in general, and from that love which springs from animal appetite. True friendship is a noble and virtuous attachment, springing from a pure source, a respect for worth or amiable qualities. False friendship may subsist between bad men, as between thieves and pirates. This is a temporary attachment springing from interest, and may change in a moment to enmity and rancor.