Understanding Interpersonal Relationships in Africa, Part 3 of 3

Let me give an example from my own life. My family and I live in an apartment, have no domestic help, and do not have a car. (Each one of these facts places us in the lower middle class ranks of an average middle-class Ghanaian). One day I was in a taxi traveling to town when the taxi driver asked me if I was getting my car fixed (addressing me in English), to which I told him that I did not have a car (which I said in English to be polite, since the question was asked in English). He then asked me how long I had lived in Ghana, to which I told him I had lived in Ghana for four years. When I told him this he paused and then addressed my friend (he being an African that I was traveling with) and said to him in Twi (not thinking that I could understand, because I was foreign), “So why does the white guy park his car at home and hide it so that people think he does not have one?” My friend told him that I did not have one, and the man had trouble believing such a thing.

Because of past history, the lifestyle of international businessmen, diplomats, and some missionaries, not to mention the preconceived idea of the African, it is almost impossible for the average person in Africa to view a missionary as poor.


Let me tell you one more experience. One day one of my helpers called me and told me that he wanted to have a meeting with me. It sounded very urgent on the phone so we met just an hour later. When I met this young man, I asked him what he wanted to speak with me about. He told me that he was concerned that I was buying a motorbike for use while on visitation. (I had told the people that I was praying for the money to buy one so that I could save money on transportation and save time while on visitation). I asked him if he was concerned with my safety since Africa drivers are not known to be the best drivers in the world. He said no, he was concerned for my status (concerned with what people thought of me). Of course, when he said this I was shocked. I asked him why. Was a motorbike considered to be sinful? To this he gave me this reply: a motorbike is a poor man’s vehicle. He said that Ghanaians will accept an African pastor that rides one, because a pastor might be poor, but a white man riding one was not acceptable. He said that if a white man rode a motorbike, then it was like he was telling people that he was poor, and no white men are ever poor so people would think that the white man was a liar! I asked him if it was a poor testimony, to which he said no!

The missionary needs to see these facts very clearly. It is very important for the missionary in Africa to maintain a simpler lifestyle than most expatriates that live in his same country. The missionary will always battle with public opinion. The moment the average African sees a missionary, he does not think of a person that has forsaken all to follow God, a person that has come to a new culture to reach souls. The first impression is of a rich man that has everything in life. I will state here that driving SUV’s and Land Rovers does not help with this regard and neither does living in large compounds with large accommodations. Is it possible then for the missionary to live on a local level? Is it even wise? No. Many of the things of a totally local lifestyle would greatly hinder the missionary’s health, family life, and children’s spiritual growth. (For proof of this please read Isobel Kuhn’s book “In the Arena”, pg. 208). But this being stated, everything above basic needs for life will make it more difficult for the local people to see past your status as a rich man.

To illustrate the way that Africans see there Western co-workers, missionaries, and bosses, here is a quote from David Maranz, African Friends and Money Matters, pg.134, “A Kenyan friend gave me his opinion about what people should pay relative to their means on a scale of 1 to 10. It can be charted as follows,

Class of persons ---------------------------Relative price they should pay

Tourist (Foreigner) …………………………………………...…...........10
Senior government functionaries and rich people………………...8
Middle class or average people…………………………………...........5
Poor people…………………………………………………….................2-3

This quote has been given to let the Westerner see that the average person places him/ her very high on the economic ladder. The Westerner is even higher in the minds of local people than government leaders, which many times have unlimited resources.

What is to be gained from all of this? What a missionary does with his money and how he displays his wealth will greatly influence his friendships, followers, and ministry. When he is asked for financial help that first time, he is making a greater decision than simply giving that money. He is deciding on a friendship. He is making a decision on the direction of his ministry philosophy.

The missionary that starts to face these requests needs to make some very important decisions. Will he follow his home culture or host culture? What does the Bible have to say about the basis of Christian relationships and ministry?

In the end the choices are basically three: 1. the missionary takes on the cultural role of the ‘big man’. The locals come to him for all there needs and he freely gives. The locals appreciate his wealth and generosity and he has many friends and followers. 2. The missionary tries to down play his social/ economic status, and seeks to be more local (middle class). He also tries to follow the Western mode of relationships, (this can be for religious or cultural reasons) and seeks to build his relationship on a non-material foundation. The locals appreciate their interaction with this missionary. They like the way he seems to connect with them more as equals, but some do not appreciate or understand the lack of giving, and therefore he has fewer followers. 3. The Westerner continues to live a public high status life (in the African viewpoint) but retains a Western view on relationships. The missionary will be admired only for his wealth, but he will have few to no followers and will have many disgruntled personal acquaintances.

No man is an island unto himself. Every choice we make influences others, but as a missionary this has even greater weight. How you choose to live out and maintain your friendships in Africa will greatly determine the future of your ministry.

Understanding Interpersonal Relationships in Africa, Part 2 of 3

It is seen here that Western friendship is based on the concept of emotional and social compatibility. The goal of friendship and social interaction is never physical gain. I think we can go so far as to say that, to the Westerner friendship that is based in gain is disdained or at best, disliked. When people seek either monetary or positional gain from friendship it is considered to be a sign of an individual that is morally corrupt. Since this form of behavior is so frowned upon in the West, a missionary cannot even imagine this as a basis of a relationship. Therefore, a missionary, is very hesitant to assume an acquaintance would seek to build a relationship based on these reasons.


The problem arises from the fact that the Westerner has a completely different definition of friendship than the African. To the general African, material goods, monetary help, and other benefits must be present for a relationship to exist and have any value. Here is a quote to help you understand how Africans view friendship:

Robert LeVine, anthropologist, 1970: 288-289 “ There is (a) dimension of (interpersonal behavior) that Africans emphasize when describing relationships of equality to inequality, namely, obligations to give material goods- food, gifts, financial help, property, and babies. Relationships are frequently characterized by African primarily in terms of the type of material transaction involved: who gives what to whom and under what conditions… “
“In Contrast with the Western attitude (genuine or hypocritical) that the emotional component in interpersonal relations is more important than any transfer of material goods involved (the latter being thought of as something incidental), Africans are frankly and directly concerned with the material transfer itself as indicative of the quality of the relationship…”
“In considering the part… material goods play in African social life, several points should be emphasized. (1) A certain amount of material giving is obligatory in a relationship, particularly in a kin relationship, and is not dependent on how the individual feels about, or even how well he knows, the other person. (2) Persons are evaluated partly in terms of how much and how freely they give to others; those who give more than the obligatory minimum may be better liked as generous persons or may become special friends or leaders of others. (3) Failure to meet the material obligations of role relationships cannot be compensated by a friendly attitude or compensated by emotional warmth and support; since relationships are conceptualized in terms of material transactions, attitudes and feelings are concomitants, but not substitutes. (4) Relationships that have goals of obtaining valued resources generate competition, particularly when the resources are limited, the scope of obligations wide…”



In a culture with this concept of friendship, it starts to become very clear how the average person looks at his interpersonal life. Life in Africa is hard (at best), money is always difficult to gain, and society is not built to ensure every person has an equal opportunity to succeed, Therefore he, the African, is always on the look out for new friends, especially those that he deems able to help him gain a position or help him financially. To him he needs real friends.

David Maranz, African Friends and Money Matters, (pg 65) “A network of friends is a network of resources. Friendship and mutual aid go together. A Kenyan told me, ”More friends means more security.” A friendship devoid of financial or other material considerations is a friendship devoid of a fundamental ingredient: mutual dependence… It is normal to expect material benefit from friendship… the formation of true, meaningful, and satisfying friendships (is) difficult to achieve between Westerner and African.”



This is where the missionary comes in. In Africa all relationships are started by determining who is of the higher status and who is of the lower. All other actions will flow from this understanding.

David Maranz, African Friends and Money Matters, (pg. 127) “A singular approach to social organization is found in many African societies. In these, people are classified as either givers or receivers…”

David Maranz, African Friends and Money Matters, pg. 67 “…the Westerner and the African live on very different socioeconomic levels, with the African considering the Westerner to be rich and himself to be poor, with much cultural behavior flowing from these differences… many Africans are ready to use casual meetings or acquaintanceships as a means to gain personal profit.”


African friendship do have balance and harmony, but they only achieve this when the two people in the relationship are on the same financial level.

David Maranz, African Friends and Money Matters,(pg. 70) “…when foreigners are implicated in a reciprocal system.. there is an inherent mismatch. 1. relationships are supposed to be mutually dependent, but if the Westerner us always the giver, a basic requirement of the system cannot be met. There really will never be reciprocity. The Westerner will never be in a position to be on the receiving end, as his or her material needs will never be greater than those of the borrower. 2. Part of the dynamics of the system is that the donor receives prestige and “big man” status, but for the Westerner this can never be the case. They do not feel an enhancement of their prestige through this type of giving… Besides, they could not fill the role of an African big man if they wanted to.”

To understand this fully you must understand that the foreigner in Africa will never be viewed as poor or even middle class. The mindset in all African societies is that the foreigner is rich. Not only is he rich, but his economic status is believed and always assumed to be higher than Africans that have notably more money and wealth then the foreigner (i.e. presidents, government officials, businessmen).

Understanding Interpersonal Relationships in Africa, Part 1 of 3

There is a dimension of interpersonal relationships the missionary must understand when coming to the field. When the missionary comes to the field he is first filled with euphoria. Everything is perfect. He has finally reached his people. He is convinced that the people of his country are sinners, but somehow they are endowed with a special openness and hunger for truth- more than the people of his home country. This is not a bad feeling and is even helpful at times for him, especially when first leaving his country and facing the shock of living in a whole new world. But the problem for the missionary in Africa is accentuated by common daily occurrences that seem to add weight to his slanted thinking.


The new missionary is amazed by the friendliness of the people. Every where he goes people greet him, children point at him. People rush to meet him at times, asking his name, seeking for personal information, and even requesting to start friendships. The missionary is thrilled. His people love him! How open they are to the things of God. When many people find out that he is a missionary/pastor they request to know the church’s name and location, assuring him they will attend in the future. During his first time of visitation he is amazed how people request for tracts, cross streets to see what is being handed out. He is amazed at the request for Bibles, and the willingness of people to allow him to take their time and listen to him stumble through the national or local language. Overall, the new missionary is overwhelmed with his new home. It is a paradise filled with the radiant light of spiritual zeal.

If the new missionary joins a veteran missionary, this feeling can even be enhanced. If the missionary has a school, hospital, or social help program, he sees the people daily flooding in. He sees the people that line up and wait for hours for help. This condition may be further heightened if the veteran missionary always seems to have followers around. It is common in some mission compounds, churches, and homes of missionary to always see people around. They seem to wait on the leaders, following in their wake to help with the smallest need. The veteran missionary is beset by questions for advice from every corner, from the slightest difficulties, to seemingly insurmountable troubles.

After seeing all of this, the new missionary is now convinced that he has indeed arrived in a patch of heaven, where the grass is truly greener on the other side of the fence…

Then he is hit by the first wave of culture shock. One of his new acquaintances, or maybe someone that he does not know at all, comes to the house. The person comes early in the morning or late at night when the new missionary is not expecting a social call. He goes through the social norms, greets, and offers some refreshment. Then the wave comes the person is seeking for some help and proceeds to tell the missionary of his need. Maybe it is a hospital bill that needs to be paid for a sick family member, or a refugee that has been living in the U.N. refugee camps that needs just a little money to get by, or a person seeking to start a new business and needs the capital to start it. The young missionary is shocked. Why him? Why now? The inner-conflict begins as he remembers all the poverty around him, and he fights with his emotions, as his mind tries to swim through these new cloudly cultural waters. He might give the money. He might not. He might give some. But now the missionary has entered a new world, the world of African friendships, and if he hopes to serve God and build something spiritual, he needs to learn about it quickly.


One might ask why the missionary’s friendships have anything to do with ministry in Africa. The question is very legitimate and important to answer. The missionary has come to do the work of God, seeking souls and wanting to change lives. To him, the spiritual, social, and financial relationships are three distinct groups. Yes, he knows that to be a good missionary and mentor he needs to befriend his people, but to the Western mind the spiritual and social have little to do with the business world. The point is basically this: the Western view of friendship is very different from that of the African.


The Western definition of friendship is very concrete. Its meaning has congealed in a mortar of morals and ethics established long ago. To his mind it cannot and should not be altered. Here is a definition to help…

Webster’s Definition (1828 Dictionary)
An attachment to a person, proceeding from intimate acquaintance, and a reciprocation of kind offices, or from a favorable opinion of the amiable and respectable qualities of his mind. Friendship differs from benevolence, which is good will to mankind in general, and from that love which springs from animal appetite. True friendship is a noble and virtuous attachment, springing from a pure source, a respect for worth or amiable qualities. False friendship may subsist between bad men, as between thieves and pirates. This is a temporary attachment springing from interest, and may change in a moment to enmity and rancor.

The First Flag...

Yesterday, I was buying some food for my family and waiting for our food to get finished (we do not have fast food here, so this took about an hour) while I was waiting I saw part of a movie that they had on at the resturant. The movie was about Iwo Jima, and the man that raised the flags on the island. If you do not know the story you will know the picture. Though most might know the basic history, like I did, they might not know the twist in the story that makes it so interesting.

Second Flag over Iwo Jima

The picture that became so famous, is not the first flag that was raised on the mountain over the island, it was the second. The first flag had been placed a few hours before and was being replaced by a larger flag that was easier to see when this second famous photo was taken.

The truth is that all the men in these two picture are heros. Ira Hayes, Mike Strank, Rene Gagnon, Harlon Block, Franklin Sousley, John Bradley of the famous picture, and Charles W. Lindberg, Ernest I. Thomas Jr., Henry O. "Hank" Hansen, and James Michels, of the frist unknown picture, where all great men that fought for our country. By the end of the battle all but three from the second pictured died in Iwo Jima for our freedom.


First Flag over Iwo Jima

Now you might be wondering what this has to do with missions, I am coming to that part. According to history the three surving men where flown back to the states for the 7th Bond Drive. President Roosevelt, thought because the picture was so popular it would help raise the needed funds for the war effort. So they set these three men all around America to dinners, meetings, towns, and where able to raise 26.3 billion dollars in War Bonds.

As James Bradley, historian and writing of Flags of our Fathers puts it, these three men never really felt comfortable about the whole thing. They knew that they had fought for their country, but they where not the first flag raisers, they felt like they had been honored for a sacrifice that should have pinned on another. They felt that the men that should have been honored, never got the spot light. No pictures, no names, no dinners, they just did there jobs, and never asked anything in return.

I have to abmit as I watch this movie, and they told how these three marines felt about the honors given to them, I could relate. As a missionary you are flown back from the fight, and taken on a tour. The missionary is treated to dinner, meetings, he has his picture taken, and is praised. But, I know I feel like these guys. Here I am being praised, but I am just a part of the 2nd battalion doing my job. I did not raise the flag of Christ the first time, on this enemy shore, I was just sent up to put in a replacement.

Modern African missionaries are fighting for the Lord, and many have made great sacrifices, just as these three men made, but today I want to remember the 'others'. The men and women that went before. The missionaries that did not have the hope of long live, but packed their belongings in caskets, because they knew that they would most likely be dead in three years. The missionaries that many times died with only a few converts, and never had the chance to see what their sacrifice would mean.

Today we honor them, the missionaries of the first flag! We of the second generation could not be on this ground without their sacrifice. So we say, thank you!